23 reasons why being married by 21 was the best decision i ever made.. A response

The original article:

http://wanderonwards.org/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/

I’ve seen this article surface on Facebook and honestly my first thought is very negative. I feel sad that this opinion is not only one of this woman’s, but also one of many many young adults today. I usually wouldn’t be one to write a response to something like this but I just couldn’t read it and not speak up so here it goes.

This blog starts off with something we hear ALOT about in the world these days. Divorce rates. We all know that marriage has become more of a temporary thing than a forever thing. But thats because we treat marriage like another dating relationship that we can just get out of when we find the next best thing or when we start to lose interest. Marriage is a covenant. In a society where everything is made to break and we grow up knowing that we can just upgrade when our version gets old. It makes sense why we have such a disposable view when it comes to relationships. This is where we need to learn to be content with what we have. This is where our grandparents had it right. To them, divorce wasn’t an option and to me, it isn’t either. This doesn’t mean that you’re settling or that you’re stuck. It means you have the privilege of having someones hand, heart, mind, body for the rest of your life. You have the privilege of knowing every little thing about them, of letting someone learn you so well that they know just how you need to receive love and they learn to give it in that way. If we became selfless in our relationships why would we feel the need to upgrade? We would have a spouse who gives us the love we need and it would be so easy for us to give the same in return.

This post then goes on to say that a common reason of why kids are getting married so young these days is because of inexperience. “Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc”. I don’t know what this obsession with experience is. I don’t know why people feel the need to experience these things alone. When you get married, that person is your best friend. What is wrong about learning these things together? I would rather date my husband than have endless uncomfortable coffee dates. I would rather travel with my best buddy than have to tell him about it later when I meet him. PLUS I’ve ALREADY travelled the world. I’m 21 and i already have my career, where my husband and i actually work together. Both of us have already established the same religious beliefs therefor making it simple when moral questions come up and sex becomes something of value, it has purpose when enjoyed in the right context rather than something that leaves you feeling worthless and empty.

I think that marriage is a gift. Not a cop out. Its a blessing to know you have someone to walk through life’s highs and lows with you. Its a blessing to have someone who wants to provide for you.

Ah, the question I’ve heard a million times… Whats the rush? Do something before you settle down. Right? How about this: what is the wait? Marriage doesn’t mean now you have to work 9-5 and can’t do anything fun? Its the security of knowing that person isn’t going anywhere. Its the freedom to come as you are and have someone love you to their full potential, knowing that He first loved us in all of our faults.

I’m married. I’m not dead. I haven’t settled down. I’m not starting a family right away. I’m not boring. I’m just married.

I have a ring on my finger, and a piece of paper to prove it.

So whats the big the deal?
Why as a society are we so AFRAID of “marriage”?
Is being married a cop out or is living together, sleeping together and eating together without the commitment?

I dont blame you, or any of my single or dating friends with the same belief. If you look around, broken families are everywhere. And i do not judge you for what you think.

Divorce ruins lives and I’ve seen it in so many people that I care about.

But think about this, why can’t we be the generation that changes things? Why are those who decide they want to live differently the ones who are looked down on? Why can’t we become countercultural. Its time for us to rise up and say I won’t have what the world is feeding me. I will honour the commitment I made before God and every one of my loved ones. I will BE the 1 in 2 that DOESNT get divorced. I will be fearless when it comes to letting that person in but AFTER they’ve made the commitment.

I’m not ignorant. Before I became the way I am today, i used to be just like you, i used to think just like the person who wrote this blog. Until I realized my life was pointless. I was living for nothing. I was living for myself. It was my fear of losing someone i thought I cared about or the fear of what people might think that kept me in bad relationships, that kept me making stupid decisions that I later payed for.

I’m sorry that no one ever taught you that true love comes from God. That he payed the price for our faults and when we experience his grace for our shortcomings we can’t help but to begin to change the way we think and change the way we live.

I’m sorry that no one ever taught you that you were worthy of the kind of love you only hear about and rarely see.

And i’m sorry that no one ever made you feel hopeful that marriage can actually last forever.

So please label me in the category of stupid people who are getting engaged under the age of 23 but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

To me, getting married meant that God had something bigger and better planned for my life. To me it meant that I was worth more than what most 16 year old boys make girls feel like they are worth. To me, it means that i’ve changed for the better and will strive to keep changing and growing everyday until death separates me from the commitment I made in my parent-in-laws backyard to a 19 year old man who i love more than life!
Last but not least here are:
23 reasons why being married by 21 was not only the right choice for ME but also the best decision I ever made:
(this is my take on the 23 reasons given on this blog post)

1. I already have a passport.. yes i do need to get a new one still because my name is different now so i guess we will just go with what she said… Get a passport
2. I’ve already found my “thing” and its singing. Singing to bring hope to a generation thats seriously lacking. Singing to make girls realize their value and worth. Singing to make people understand that their life has purpose. That and watersides.
3. Because I don’t want to give any part of myself physically or emotionally to any other human being other than my husband.
4. Because I made a bet with my parents that if i don’t get a pet within the first 5 years of marriage then i’ll win $100 plus i have 2 cats and a dog that i get to see at their place and not have the responsibility of looking after 
5. Because I’m in a band. Its my career. Its my passion. Its part of me. And I share that with my best friend.
6. Not only do i make cake but i have an excuse to cook something amazing every single day.
7. Between me and my husband we probably have or will have more tattoos than most people
8. I found that in my life Jesus has showed up in miraculous ways. He has pulled me OUT of the lifestyle i was living that would have led me down the path this article talks about.
9. I started a small business already. Actually its a little bit bigger than a small business. Its my career. Revert back to number 5.
10. Just a few days ago i died my hair purple for fun
11. I’m not sure why anyone would want to be caught in a love triangle
12. I built a side table last week. But for the most part I have someone to do “man” stuff for me. Why do i need to build things?
13. I accomplish Pinterest recipes every single night of the week. Resulting in full bellies… such a satisfying feeling
14. …
15. I did enough disappointing my parents when I was a teenager. Its a great feeling to know you’ve actually made them proud choosing your life partner.. the most important choice you’ll ever make
16. I can watch disney movies whenever i want
17. Theres someone who knows when your sad, and usually surprises you with chocolate to make you feel better. He also knows that chocolate is better than flowers.
18. I prefer to be the one laughing with my best friend while people watching, rather than being the topic of someone else’s laughter
19. Good joke
20. You can hangout with as much or as little clothing on as you like and its A-OK at any time of day
21. I can write my feelings in blogs or music and it actually encourages people to want better for themselves and their love life, knowing what is possible
22. Because being selfish is what causes divorce, its what causes war between countries and families. Its what causes poverty and pain in the world. Everyday I learn to be a better person. I learn how to submit and support, forgive and become more selfLESS and more like Jesus everyday.
23. I have already traveled across the world and CANT wait to do it again with the love of my life

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4 thoughts on “23 reasons why being married by 21 was the best decision i ever made.. A response

  1. I think it’s a good article, but don’t forget those who would like to be married at 21, 25, and are still not married at 31 and 35. Not all people marry late because they choose to, and there can be pain that accompanies the patience and journey required to wait.

    Like

  2. 24. If and when you have kids you are young enough, having the energy be able to keep up. To be able to get on the ground and play with them and not need assistance to get back up.

    I have read both articles and my fear is that the author of the first article seems to endorse selfishness and narcissism. Which is why marriage is frowned upon in the first place with the prison mentality. It isn’t a new idea. The 60 and 70 were a failed social experiment that has left generations hurt and with out a scaffolding on how healthy marriages are supposed to look.

    In many ways I found my identity when I got married, a safe place to share my dreams and interest. We each found cheering section to help one another achieve them and someone to be there to celebrate the moment they are achieved. Some people should never get married. They don’t have enough in them to handle the responsibility and commitment to care for each other if and when it happens.

    Liked by 1 person

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